What is the funniest joke you've been told that you still think about to this day?

“The Murphy twins are drunk again.”

“Yes, that I am,” says the second.

The first fellow is now beside himself. “The good Lord must be smiling on us. Imagine that the two of us should be meeting here, having grown up on the same street, gone to the same school, and graduated in the same year.”

Why is it after eating almonds when I’m occupied, I don’t feel mild itch, but as soon as I have nothing to do, I feel mildly itchy?

Two blokes are sitting at the end of a bar. One orders a drink. The other one says, “From your voice, I’d guess you’re from Ireland.”

“So am I. And from where in Ireland might you be?” says the first.

“Oh, let me see now. ’Twas 1964, it was.”

Is it wise to choose your family over your honor?

“A lovely little area of the old part of town, McCleary Street.”

“Now why would you be saying that, Brian?”

“Well, to St. Mary’s, of course.”

What is the best time for conception?

“Faith and begorrah. What a small world. So did I. And to what school would you school would you have been going?”

“As did I,” the first bloke says, getting very excited. “And what year did you graduate?”

“Mother Mary. And on what street in Dublin did you live?”

Why did the UK Supreme Court rule that transgender women are not women?

At that point, a woman enters, stands at the other end, and orders a drink. Brian, the bartender says, “Oh, Vicky, it’s going to be a long, tiring night.”

I’m from Dublin, I am.”